A total redesign of my website is in the works. I've been too reliant on deviantArt's ease of posting to actually post my art to my website lately. No more! Once the site redesign is done, dA will only be used for sketches and any commissions I take. My finished pieces will be on my webpage.

Also, watching the final HP movie tonight. I am going to be so sad to see it end. That is why I'm going to return to Hogwarts by getting back to drawing Angela Cross and the End-All Spell. It's a fanfic written by my friend :iconbensaret: about my adventures at Hogwarts. Yay! I get to be Mary-Sue! >_< Anyway the fic is here --> http://bensaret.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24#/d729bp and it's told in the same time frame as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and is kept to canon as close as possible while at the same time being a completely different storyline. As for the webcomic, I can't promise regular specific time updates. Apparently I'm just not at that level of discipline yet. It's something I'm workin' on.

I am going to be mixing it up a bit. I think when I first started, I overwhelmed myself by trying to make a "finished" piece in every panel while at the same time trying to draw everything on the computer when I had no practice whatsoever doing that. My skill was not at the level I wanted it to be. Forget that! I am going to make things a little more loose by sketching the panels. No inking, no coloring, just sketch.

I will be adding a donate button to my website. I've always been kind of leery about doing so, but the way I figure it if someone gets enough enjoyment out of looking at my art to donate a dollar that's just fine. And if someone looks at my art for free every single day that's okay too. It's just a way for people to show appreciation (if they want) and for me to have a little $$ to pay down my student loans since it looks like I won't be getting a job real soon. ^_^;; But I don't want to get into all that. Back to webcomics!

Another thing I would REALLY love to do is if I get a commission or gift of a certain scene to insert it as a full page panel in that part of the story. It will kind of be like a guest artist that you see in other webcomics. I may also skip around on the pages. For example if I get a donation from someone they will have the option to request a scene. They will also have the option to have me "finish" an already sketched page. If they choose the first, I will sketch out a full page of whatever scene they requested. If they choose the latter I will ink, possibly after a redraw if I feel necessary, tone, and possibly color a panel.

I am really excited about the website redesign. I already have an image sketched in my head and colors decided. Unless I miraculously get a job you can expect it soon.

XOXOX,
Loch

I'm re-posting to my blog because neither Google, nor Yahoo seem to want to take a negative review.

First time I went was my birthday. I'd heard that this place was really good. After entering my mom and I got sour looks from the two ladies there and one yelled across the room, "What do you want?!" I'm thinkin', "I don't know, to eat? This is a restaurant, right?" My mom and I paused there for a second and she continued yellin' that they closed at 6pm in a how-dare-you-come-in-5-minutes-before-we-close kind of tone. The sign on the door said 8pm. There was nothing to indicate they were closing early. We turned and left immediately.

We decided to give them one more try. I recognized the two ladies behind the counter as the ones from before, because they had the same frowns. We got in line behind a lady who just finished up her order and then came back to ask for something forgotten. The younger of the two women yelled at her to get to the back of the line without hearing what she had to ask for. I found it incredibly rude to make someone that had already ordered and paid to go stand behind my mom and I who still hadn't decided what we wanted.

Food--3 STARS  We got the turkey plate which was okay tasting, but a little dry. Baked potato was tiny (this is Texas after all). The peach cobbler was good, as was the roll. The BBQ sauce was the best part of the meal, but I wish they had a hot version too.

Service--1 STAR  In addition to being rude to us the first time and someone else the second time, I saw them listening in on our conversation about the service. She didn't hear correctly because when she came by to apologize, she apologized for letting that lady get in front of us. 1 star is for bringin' another hot roll to our table, but it was too little, too late.

Ambiance--2 STARS There is an attempt at old time decorating, but it is detracted from by the dust and cobwebs.

Cleanliness--2 STARS I've been in worse, but we were well after the lunch rush and before dinner so it should have been much cleaner. There were crumbs on tables and the floor was unswept. The dust on the decor made me wonder about the rest of the place. I did not go in the restroom.

Summary--Would I recommend Jones Family BBQ? No, unless it's to recommend someone to not go. Would I ever go back? No. The discourteous service twice was what earned them such a low score and what prompted me to immediately go online to write this review. The food and prices are not good enough to outweigh the poor attitude of the employees.

I love good Texas BBQ.

XOXOX,
Loch

But some things just need to be said (or maybe vented). Better to do it in my journal and away from the forum where it is being discussed. Someone posted Sunday that they got married and Monday said how excited she was that she could finally tell everyone that she is pregnant. Dozens of congratulations and I couldn't bring myself to add to it. I just don't think in the current economic crisis having children is a good idea. I know she graduated when I did so we've got the same student loans looming over us and I know she doesn't have a job in her field either. I don't know if she has a job at all. Someone even posted that they were "proud of her". Are you really? People have been havin' babies since the beginning of people. Is it really something to be proud of an unplanned, ill-timed pregnancy? Irresponsible.

And other people I know quitting their jobs without something else lined up, hoping to get a lesser paying job just to have something? I wouldn't quit a job in a good economy without something else lined up.

I guess I shouldn't talk when I turned down a job at the beginning of the school year. But here are the facts:

The job was for the entire school year and would have been for LESS than what I made teaching for just 5 months last year. By cutting out my conference/planning period they were calling it part-time despite the fact that I would still have to plan and have parent/teacher conferences. I would also have to work from 8-5 everyday and one Saturday a month. So essentially I would be teaching more than full-time for around, if not less than, what I would make to work full-time at a minimum wage job. And no insurance, no retirement, no benefits of any kind. I would have still had to put all of my loans in forbearance and would have been livin' month to month. I realize the economy favors employers right now, but there are some places where you have to draw the line. Not only was that insulting, it was unreasonable.

I love blossoms on the fruit trees.

XOXOX,
Loch

All loans are in forbearance again. It is highly stressful to know that the amount I paid on student loan payments last year will be lost when the interest is added to both loans. Part of me doesn't even want to know how much this education has cost me or will cost me by the time it's all done. Two different degrees and I can't get a job in either field. I added another certification to my teaching degree and that doesn't seem to be helping either.

I really need to stop reading all the Yahoo! news reports on unemployment. Today I read one on dead end and dying career fields and it said that clerical/secretarial work is one of them. I feel like I'm runnin' out of things to fall back on and it's givin' me some anxiety.

I don't have time to dwell on it, I've got to get creative. As much as I don't like all this STUFF that I have everywhere at least I have some stuff to sell. Time to get back to work.

I love spring.

XOXOX,
Loch

Yucky medical post! Don't read if you're easily grossed out!

That "not feelin' so well" from yesterday turned out to be a urinary tract infection. It took 2 doctors today to figure it out. I had another issue that they are sendin' me to a gyno for so I still don't know 100% what's goin' on.

The first doctor charged almost $200. He was an old guy with an old nurse. She cleaned out my ears and he just wrote a prescription without even lookin' down where the issue was. He said I need to see the gyno for that. So what is the $200 for? I was still freaked out because he wouldn't give me a straight answer on another issue. Okay, so last night I almost went to the ER because I thought my guts were fallin' out. Sorry, that's yucky, but I was seriously stressed over it. But the guy wouldn't even look! He was very vague and said maybe it was my bladder. Coming OUT of my body?! That seems a little more urgent than the "Urgent Care" I was receiving. He then forgot to give me my prescription.

The second doctor charged less than $50 and even though he didn't see or feel anything wrong (other than the urinary tract infection), he told me that I wasn't about to drop all my guts to the floor. He said maybe I didn't know what the anatomy was supposed to look like. Um, I might not go lookin' down there ALL the time, but I know what it's NOT supposed to look like and that's what I saw. He told my I needed to go see a gyno as well. At least he was cheap and I was reassured I wasn't about to lose my guts. He also was handsome and had a nice French accent. That doesn't really make up for the fact that it still feels like he took a weedwacker to my insides, but it's some consolation I suppose.

I really just want to take a nap, but there is a job fair in Houston on Thursday and I have all those schools to apply for before I go. ***Despite the lack of journal entries, I did have a teaching job at a middle school in Waco for the last half of the school year. Actually, because of that there are no journal entries from December to now. I was workin' 10-15 hour days and up there most of the weekend. More on that later.

Unless, of course, I get another job and am too busy to write. Wish me luck!

XOXOX,
Loch

In my daily job search I came across a school that was already advertising for their spring job fair. I had already made plans to start registering for as many job fairs as possible for 2010 in January. I decided to look at this one anyway in case it happened to actually be in January (though it seems as though they start in March for the most part). I was surprised to see that it was "by invitation only". Apparently you have to go through the regular lengthy application process just to be considered for the job fair list. I can't even get in the door.

A couple of weeks ago I tried to go to 5 different retail places to see if I could get some seasonal work. Too late. They either looked at me like I was a moron for applyin' too late or told me I was applyin' too late for seasonal work. I had a feeling that would happen because I was waitin' until we got to a decent point in our renovations for me to work part-time.

Today I read a couple of different articles about college students and recent graduates finding retail, temp, and seasonal work. Essentially the articles said to take any job any where for any pay. The responses to the article were full of frustration. Most of the people said that they are now competing for the same jobs they had before college with high school students. It's hard enough to worry about making a meager living without havin' to be worried about student loans too. I suspect a lot of people are gonna default on their loans and wreck their credit further. That can't help the economy. I just put my A&M loan into forbearance yesterday.

The afterthought suggestion in one of the articles was to work for yourself. That's just what I plan to do right now. No one else will hire me, but I will! The carpet will be installed in the house this week and then I can set up my desk and craft area. I've already made repairs to my desk (poor thing was about to snap in half) and painted my chair to match. For those waitin' for commissions, you won't be waitin' much longer and then my list will re-open. Also expect to see an Etsy store and some new and reworked designs goin' into a snazzy new Zazzle shop (so long CafePress!). Also planned is a new frontpage look for my website. I'm gonna go into overdrive for A-Kon/AnimeFest.

I love workin' for myself!

XOXOX,
Loch

When the news reports that the national unemployment is at its highest, despite the recession being over (how that works I don't know), what they fail to mention is that is only the people that are currently on unemployment. It doesn't count the people that have been out of work for  a long time. Statistically speaking, the longer a person is out of work, the greater the chances that they will never go back to work. Maybe that's why they don't count them. It's over 10% right now, but there is no real idea of how much over it is right now. I'd guess it's closer to 20%.

I don't like to consider myself out of work. I work every day of the week. I'm just severely underpaid. Hahaha! >_< Looking for a job is really hard work. It takes a lot of effort to maintain momentum when the 20-40 schools I look at every day all say "no openings at this time". By the way, it's not the same 20 or so schools. I have to limit myself to only so many per day or I won't get anything else done.

Renovating a house is really hard work too. My mom and I have been here in Denison for a couple of months workin' on this house. We're still sleepin' on air mattresses on the floor because there have been so many things above and beyond the inspection that we haven't finished the painting yet so that Lowe's can install the carpet.

So if you look at my last entry which was 2 months ago, you can see how I've become frustrated with everyone's "what's one more week" attitude. The realtor said it and one of the first handymen said it. The following 4-5 handymen have had the same attitude. The work here is minor to them which means not a lot of money so they only make time for us one day a week. The last one would schedule his one day and then have something come up. What's one more week, right?

I just signed up to substitute teach last week. One week turned into two months and I couldn't wait any longer. Apparently I waited too long though. I haven't heard back from the administration. I suspect a lot of people are already on the substitute list and they didn't need any more. I'll be calling later today to find out for sure. Still, I started waking up at 6am every day this week just in case I get a call and so that I can squeeze in more job searching before I start painting.

I just realized that I haven't been putting what I'm grateful for at the end of each entry. I really like ending my journal entries with something positive, especially when they've all been kind of bad news-ish lately. Despite the frustration of looking for a job for so long without any results, I am keeping at it and not gonna give up. I can be grateful for that. <3

XOXOX,
Loch

I figure all this complaining is at the very least a good historical record of the economy right now. I do hope at some point I look back on these entries and not even remember it bein' this bad. Yeah, this is another one of those entries.

The thought of starting over is pretty scary. There are times that you have to take a risk in order to have a better life. Making minimum wage doesn't grant a lot of opportunities. It's just paycheck to paycheck with no consideration toward retiring. Having an associates degree helped me earn a little more money, but I had even worse job security. I put away as much as I possibly could during that time to make up for the previous lack of retirement funds. Moving back in with my mom to get my bachelor's degree seemed like another risk that needed to be taken.

Current Status Report: Most of my retirement has been lost in the economic downturn. I had to put my Art Institute loan into deferment and my A&M loan will be due in November. My job status has been "antique dealer" and "freelance artist" since 2005 which pretty much equals very little money coming in and no increase on my retirement.  I have been staying with my mom for the same amount of time. I've been out of school for 3 months and still have no job.

WHEN I get a job most of my money will be goin' toward student loans and tryin' desperately to recover lost time for my retirement fund. I will be livin' just as I was when I was on minimum wage. I would have loved to have gotten a masters degree, but it isn't financially practical to acquire more debt when I will be doin' all I can just to get out of the debt I've already got. At this stage in my life I would never make enough money to pay off a masters AND be able to retire. The little extra I'd make each year wouldn't pay for it.

So while I wait for us to move to Denison, my plan to substitute teach is on hold. I really don't like waiting on other people. This house deal was supposed to close on Monday and we still haven't gotten word and it's Tuesday afternoon. It's just a couple of days off, but that really adds up when your life is on hold. If it sounds like I'm being impatient it's because I am. I've had too many stops and starts already.

Hopefully everything will be resolved soon and this will all be forgotten.

XOXOX,
Loch

This job search has been so frustrating.

Last week I applied online for 5 new postings in Dallas ISD. At the end of the week I started tryin' to call. No answer at any of them. I called human resources in the admin building and when I told her that I had applied online she told me I would probably be better off faxing or emailing the principals. But, she added, a lot of them don't like that.  I don't know what that's about: they put up a job listing and then get upset if you try to contact them about it?

So I called this week to ask for the principals' emails because NONE are listed on the school websites.

School #1: Made the mistake of asking the receptionist if she knew if the job was still open. She instantly put me through to the principal's voicemail. I left my name, number, and expressed interest in the position asking her to call me back. It's Thursday and I still haven't gotten a response back.

School #2: HR had told me if the job is no longer listed, that means the position had been filled. Spent the end of last week and this week calling to get info, checked the website and the job is no longer listed. Never even got through.

School #3: Was told to FAX resume, not email. Went to the library and had to print out a cover letter and resume. The charge: $5.40. Checked the site today and the job is no longer posted.

School #4: Was given the email of the principal. Thank goodness it wasn't another $5 fax because I haven't heard back from them at all.

School #5: This is THE school I wanted of all 5. An Art/Computer Applications position at a middle school. The receptionist gave me the fax number. I wanted the email... The library in Sulphur Springs couldn't get the fax to go through, but they STILL tried to charge me another $5. I don't think so. I went back home and called the receptionist again, told her the fax didn't go through. She asked the number I had and verified that it was correct. She told me to go do it again. I politely requested the email again. I don't think she understands email. She gave me the principal's first and last name. I waited. I said, "Okay..." I waited. I said is it @ a certain location? She gave me the name of the school. I waited. "Is it .edu?" "Huh? No, it's dot orr." That's how she said org. I thought, I sure hope I didn't misunderstand any of that. I repeated it and she said I could either use the first and last name or the first initial and last name. I tried one, it got returned as unable to send. I tried the other, thought it went through, then today it was returned as well. Today I called and after the phone rang about 6-7 times, I heard it get picked up and then hung up. ^_^;; A couple of hours later I tried again and got a more articulate receptionist. She asked what email I was given and how did I spell it all. I told her, but as soon as I said the school name she said no, that wasn't it. It's @disd.org.  I thanked her and right before I went to email the resume saw that the job is no longer posted.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

I have applied online, completed online tests, called, emailed, faxed, and jumped through every hoop I could think of (because no one is tellin' me what to do I have to guess at it). I've had all of 2 interviews, spoken to countless annoyed receptionists (I'm sure you're very busy, but it is your job and heck! You've got a job! I'm extremely busy myself, but I'm workin' all day to find a job and I don't get a paycheck for that.), and gotten maybe 3 emails thanking me for my interest. I wish they would ALL give me that "thank you for your interest, but..." letter. I could use the closure. As it is, I waste so much time checking back and never hearing back.

All said though, I still feel pretty confident today. My mom is lookin' for a house closer to her booth and if she moves there I will get a job substitute teaching and will keep tryin'. I didn't get through college twice to let this get me down.

XOXOX,
Loch

It feels cathartic to have an online journal. You can fling everything bad right back out there in the universe of the internet. That being said, this journal is more for me than for anyone's reading pleasure. But then if you are of the masochistic sort then go right ahead and read on because tonight's going to be a purging of all sorts of negativity.

I am generally stressed or down lately. Both feelings are so intense that I can't manage to feel both at the same time. Thank goodness. Today is a down day. More than anything I'm disappointed. I have never been one to think that all friendships last forever, but I did hope that some would. A person can use that kind of consistency in life. The thing with friendship though is that you have to always be there for the other person. For the most part, I am. I do have my days where I have to escape from my friends' problems when they become too much for me to handle. That's typically just a day off to regroup, focus, and get some distance so I can come back and continue being what I think is a pretty good friend.

I'm sure people have to take time off from me. I have a tendency to have more tough breaks than the average. Nothing as majorly devastating as others, but regular and consistent "when it rains it pours" kind of stuff. Because it's so regular I can get cynical. I try to be realistic, but it sometimes comes out more on the negative side. I know that can be hard to take. I also work hard to not let things get to me for a long time, sometimes I just need to vent and then I'm over it (for the most part). I expect a friend to listen while I get it out of my system and tell me to suck it up when I'm no longer venting, but dwelling. When it's an ongoing series of events that can be difficult. Stick it out, but take some time off.

Time off does not equal weeks and months. That equals neglect and abandonment. And now I'm concerned that if some friends read this that have been truly busy and just caught up in their goings on, they will think I mean them. It's best to assume it is someone else. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. This isn't the usual amount of busy with life and lost track of time. This is avoidance. This is talking to someone almost every single day of your adult life and then falling off the edge of the planet for months on end. I don't think one friend should be responsible for keepin' me entertained all of the time, but I do want to be invited along occasionally. That's really hard when most of my best friends aren't in the state or even the country. I do hope to hear from them at least once a week. I rarely do anymore though.

This isn't one person's doing. I feel a little neglected on all fronts.  So many people are busy right now. I feel forgotten.

I wanted so badly to go see the new HP Half-Blood Prince movie with one friend in particular. We've been HP fans forever. We saw the other movies together (several times). We dressed up for openings, wrote sappy fanfics, and did all that crazy fan stuff together. I had hoped she would be able to go with me to the last book release. I understand why she couldn't. The miles were just too much for that. It was sad to go that night and wait until midnight alone. I have to say I felt like a pretty pathetic human being without my best friend there to enjoy it with me. Nowing she would be nearby at the time, I mentioned a month ago about us goin' to see this movie release. I don't even know if I got a reply. A couple hundred miles wouldn't have kept us from doin'  this before. 15 minutes before opening night is a sharp reminder of how alone I feel without her friendship.

XOXOX,
Loch